Episode Twenty Four

And we are back here again. Part of me knows I should be studying but it seems almost unobtainable at times. Where to begin, where to begin.

This time away from home has kind of allowed me to reset- perhaps a reset I  needed more urgently than I thought. Like some zany fat camp I’m trying to break well entrenched habits, replace them with positive ones and embrace some kind of self improvement each day. 

I thought I had it all sorted, I knew where I was going. I thought allowing personal goals to take precedence over the professional was a safe path. And then the email inviting me to add subjects at uni rolled in and it created more inner turmoil than it reasonably should have. Coupled with a bad day or two and it’s safe to say that I’m not best placed to deal with this right now.

The worst part is, even as I type this I know what the answer is. I know where to start. And I know the only thing stopping me is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear someone else might be critical of me actually having a goal.

Silly, really, these swirling thoughts. It is only my own negative self talk holding me back, my self doubt, my biggest challenge always. 

M

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